Gen 24 a illistration of How God seeks a Bride for His Son

One of the first and best story’s in the bible that best illustrate the first part of the bridal imagery is found in Gen 24. In that passage Abraham sends his servant to the land of his kin to find a wife for his son Isaac. Now if the servant could not find a wife, he would be freed from this oath.

The first thing we said about the Jewish marriage customs is that the Father chooses the bride. However as we see in Gen 24 that sometimes this does not always mean that it was a certain woman that was picked, in fact sometimes as is this chapter it was a woman of a certain place or region.

There is a idea out in Christianity that God chooses some to be saved. This idea is called Calvinism or Predestination. So did God predestine some to be saved, while others were not chosen? I don’t believe so, and I believe Gen 24 is a type that we can look to as we go through the bridal imagery and try to understand how God choose a bride for His Son.
As you read Gen 24 we find that Abraham sent his servant to go and find a bride from the land of his kin. I believe this will help us understand a bit more about how God choose his Bride. Abraham desired to find someone from a certain destination or location. God did not choose one person to be saved while not calling someone else. We read in John 3:16 His destination….”For God so Loved the WORLD”…there is the destination there is the location. It was not that God choose a person to be saved, but rather God had a destination for where the Bride of Christ would come from. We find that it is not Gods will that anyone should perish (2 Peter 3:9). It is not that God predestined some to be saved, while not willing to offer salvation to others. Salvation has appeared to all men : For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, - (Tit 2:11). God has given to every man a measure of faith by which one may have the opportunity to receive salvation (Rom 12: 3)

We also find in Gen 24 about this servant…now we know he was the eldest and that he was in charge of all that Abraham had. We should not look at this servant as just a common slave…but we see here he was a servant with authority. In the same way God sends us His Holy Spirit to come and seek a bride for His Son Jesus Christ. Notice that in the case of Abraham’s servant, finding a bride was the goal, but if he could not find one he would be freed from the oath. We know through scripture that the Holy Spirit was sent from the Father (John 15:26) (John 14:16). We know that the Holy Spirit reproves sinners of there sin (John 16:8), and with out this reprove it is impossible for a sinner to get saved(Rom 3:11).

We also know that the Holy Spirit can be resisted (Acts 7:51). Abraham sent his servant to find a willing bride for her husband. Abraham did not desire to find a slave, a robot, someone who had to come…but wanted to come out of their love (though she could not physically see Abraham’s son) for Abraham’s son. In the same way God does not wish for a robot, he dose not desire a devotion that is mandated, he desires a worship that is done out of love, a worship out of a desire to know him more…even though we too can not physically see Jesus Christ. And notice that Rebecka had the opportunity to say know, the choice was hers she could have said no to this marriage and that was her right to do so. In the same way each person has that opportunity to accept or deny Jesus Christ as there Lord and Savior.

Last thing I want to share with you is the message the servant gave to the family. In Gen 24: 34-36 we find the message that the servant gave to the family of Rebekah. The servant showed how the hand of God was on his master, how powerful he is, how rich Abraham was, He did this so that even though she could not see Isaac physically she could understand something about him. You know you and I are unable to understand God unless God himself through the Holy Spirit reveals it to us (Rom 3:11). However though we can not see Jesus physically, though we can not see Jesus with our eyes and put our fingers in His nail scared hands…we do have his word, His message, that we may understand more about who God is and what Jesus did on the Cross of Calvary for you and I.

If you have never accepted Jesus Christ, let me say that it is the most important step you will ever make in your entire life. The bible say that you are a sinner, that there is nothing in you that can make you able to stand justified before God (Rom 3:10)(Rom 3:23). Because of your sins there is a wage or a debt that you have, and that wage ultimately one day must be paid up. The bible says that the wage for your sins is death, eternal separation from God for all eternity in the lake of fire (Rom 6:23)…But Jesus Christ who is sinless who had no debt, died for your sins that you may be free from your debt, and have eternal life with Him. If you have not accepted Jesus Christ, you can today, by asking Jesus Christ into your heart and asking him to wash your sins clean….if you would like to know more how you can be saved,…how you can be apart of the Bride of Christ…please e-mail me at colvin5776@gmail.com

So what was the plan?

When Jesus ate with His disciples in the upper room on Passover. It seems very normal, and yet there is a strike difference than a normal Passover meal. Jesus in an unusual way takes the cup of wine and says :”Likewise also the cup after supper, saying , this cup is the New Testament in my blood, which is shed for you “(Luke 22:20). The disciples knew the meaning behind such common language, you see to them it was not foreign as it is to us. They would have understood this language to be different from a normal Passover meal. After all these were Jews who had many a Passover meal, and Jews some of which we know to be married and who would have had first hand knowledge of what Jesus was saying and doing. We looked earlyer as we studied the history of the Jewish wedding, that when a groom wished to take a bride, he would take a cup of wine from His father and say "this cup of wine represents my blood that I freely give to you". Another words what the groom was saying is that "I am willing to lay my life if I have to in order to make sure you are safe" This cup is known as the cup of the covenant. This completed rite is known in Hebrew as Kiddushin, which means “Sanctification: Now when you read Luke you will see that Jesus states "this is the New Testement"...the word Testement is the same word in the Hebrew "Covenant" You find in the Old Testment that this new Covenant was told to us in the book of Hosea. "And at that day, says Jehovah, you shall call Me, My husband; and you shall no more call Me, My Baal. For I will take away the names of the Baals out of her mouth; and they shall no more be remembered by their name. And in that day I will cut a covenant for them with the beasts of the field, and with the birds of the heavens, and the creepers of the ground. And I will break the bow and the sword, and the battle out of the earth, and I will make them to lie down safely. And I will betroth you to Me forever. Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in mercy, and in compassions. I will even betroth you to Me in faithfulness. And you shall know Jehovah. And it shall be in that day, I will answer, says Jehovah. I will answer the heavens, and they shall answer the earth. And the earth shall hear the grain, and the wine, and the oil; and they shall hear Jezreel. And I will sow her to Me in the earth. And I will have mercy on No Mercy. And I will say to Not My People, You are My people! And they shall say, My God!
(Hos 2:16-23)You see this was much more than a Passover, it was a marriage proposal to his new bride. A proposal that was written about in Hosea and is seen in Jeremiah and was proclaimed by Jesus him self.

This scripture describes the situation perfectly. “Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But God does not take away life; instead, he devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from him”. (2 Samuel 14:14) God procured a plan to bring mankind who had been estranged from Him since the Garden of Eden, so that we do not have to face death. This plan is so wonderful and incredible that Satan wouldn't even see it coming. “No, we speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory.” (1 Corinthians 2:7-8 )
So we see the prospective husband came down from heaven and paid the bride price, by offering his life to God on the cross. What we see is Jesus demonstrating his love for God and for mankind through his complete submission and obedience. Obedience to the point of affliction is something that Satan would never comprehend. Jesus allowed God to orchestrate events that bought him before the ruling bodies and saw him condemned to death by crucifixion(Isa_53:7).

While Jesus was on the cross God covered him with our sin. Jesus became sin. Jesus died spiritually as well as physically on the cross and cried out: "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46). Just like with mankind, God was forced to turn his face from him. Now God asked Satan: "Why did you cover my servant in death? You who point your finger at me and accuse my beloved mankind. You now tell me, what sin did my Son, Jesus has committed! For he did not sin (IICor 5:21), and because he did not sin, there was no wage he had to pay (Rom 6:23), and so there was no death that could contain him. Satan, the Accuser of the Brethren, was dumbfounded. He never saw it coming. It was CHECK MATE!

As the scriptures say: “Consequently, just as the result of one trespass was condemnation for all men, so also the result of one act of righteousness was justification that brings life for all men. For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous”. (Romans 5:18-19) God stripped Satan of the keys to death and gave them to Jesus because He did not deserve death (the punishment of sin)for there was no sin found in Him (Rev 1:18).So we see in all this, Jesus paying the bride price of death, with the unexpected resurrection from the dead, unexpected by Satan that is. God demonstrated through all this, to the powers and principalities in the heavenly realms, his awesome wisdom (Eps 3: 10-11).

"Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. (1 Corinthians 15:55-57)

What this is saying is that so long as our independence from death was dependent upon our perfection we were condemned. But thanks be to God, Jesus conquered death and provided a way to life through a union with him, who was resurrected from death.

A marriage is based on faith. A man and a woman have faith in one another and make a verbal profession of that faith before God and man. This union results in the creation of a new being, the husband/wife, and lasts until death separates them.Our union with Jesus Christ is exactly the same. We come to know him, we believe his proposal and we make a verbal profession of our faith before God and man. We enter into a new creation that lasts forever, because death will never separate us because he who has entered into life is free from death (John 5:24; IICor 5:17).A relationship with God is based on faith. This is true now and has always been true. (Heb 13:8) Mankind couldn't fix the fact that they rebelled since the Garden of Eden. But God, through Jesus Christ, paid the price of rebellion, and provided a way that through faith in what Jesus did, and faith in his promised union with us, we can once again stand before God in holiness and righteousness, because of the sacrifice that was paid on the cross of Calvery (Luke 1:74-75).

Looking back to the description of the biblical marriage we can see that Jesus paid the bride price and he has gone back to his Father's house to prepare a place for us "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."
(John 14:1-4).

It is not coincidental that it was during the betrothal phase of their marriage that the Holy Spirit conceived in Mary the Holy Child. It is during the present age, the betrothal age, the Church age, that the Holy Spirit enters into the heart of the believers marking them as the Lord's betrothed. The Holy Spirit is a pledge sent from God promising and guaranteeing that he will return for us and receive us as his own (Eps 1:13-14, IICor 1:22).

We see that the Study of the Bride of Christ contains with in it many other aspects of theological relivence. We see that contained with in the Jewish marriage custum we find a wonderful love story from our Creator to mankind. However it is just the begining of a wonderful jorney, and explors the fantastic truths that the bible holds for the betorthed.

Explaining the symbolisim of the Marriage Custum Part 1

It has been some time since I have been able to write a blog. I have had to move, started working in a church in Southern Illinois. It has been a Busy couple of months...But I am finnaly situated, most of the boxes are now empty...at lest the ones that I plan on looking through.

So now I can begin to start agian on this project that I started some months ago.

Now we have seen, 1. The symbolisms in the bible, the history of the Jewish marriage custums. Now we need to look more indepth in some of the truthes behind the Jewish marriage custums.

So Let us now examine the scriptures to further explain the significance of the Jewish marriage and that of Christ relationship with his followers. Let us think of the Israeli marriage custom as a parable for Christ relationship to His people. In order to do this properly we need to identify all of the players and places, this will help us fully understand the marriage custum as it relates to the Bride of Christ and Jesus Christ.

First we see that the unmarried daughter is mankind, and the prospective husband is Jesus Christ "For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ." -(2Co 11:2)

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. - (Eph 5:25-27)


The unmarried daughter’s father is Satan, and his house is the world. To establish this look at Luke Chapter 4 verses 5 and 6.
And the devil, taking him up into an high mountain, shewed unto him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time. And the devil said unto him, All this power will I give thee, and the glory of them: for that is delivered unto me; and to whomsoever I will I give it. - (Luk 4:5-6)
Here we see Satan tempting Jesus, when I looked at this many years ago I was at a loss. I thought now wait a min what kind of temptation is this. I mean here is Jesus, God in the Flesh, Why was the devil saying to Jesus that he would give this world to him...did not God control this...yet we miss something when we do not look at all of the scriptures.

You see the earth belonged to Satan and he had power over all who were in it. The bible says that we are of our father the Devil...
In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.
(2Co 4:4)

Ye do the deeds of your father. Then said they to him, We be not born of fornication; we have one Father, even God. Jesus said unto them, If God were your Father, ye would love me: for I proceeded forth and came from God; neither came I of myself, but he sent me. Why do ye not understand my speech? even because ye cannot hear my word. Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it. -(Joh 8:41-44)

The future husband, Jesus Christ came from his Father’s house, Heaven, to Earth to acquire his bride. In fact if you read the passage that we just looked at, we read "If God were your Father, ye would love me: for I proceeded forth and came from God; neither came I of myself, but he sent me." We also read in other passages that Jesus was sent from His fathers house.

And no man hath ascended up to heaven, but he that came down from heaven, even the Son of man which is in heaven. -(Joh 3:13)

I came forth from the Father, and am come into the world: again, I leave the world, and go to the Father. - (Joh 16:28)

Now the unmarried daughter’s father (Satan) is not at all compassionate. The charge set for his daughter is death (Rom 6:23;4:25).

Who was delivered for our offences, and was raised again for our justification.
(Rom 4:25)

For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.
(Rom 6:23)

When God originally made the first man and woman they were alive, spiritually as well as physically. (Gen 2:7 (living Being)) To summarize the fall of man we can say that God said: “I have made you living beings, but in the day that you turned hostile to me, my justice or Holiness will force my Spirit out of you and you will be dead spiritually”.

Satan, the devil, who’s name accurately means, “The Accuser”, always points out your fault to God (Job 1:1-12) and points out the fact that since you are guilty God can’t have you and still be righteous. We know God is a Just or Holy God (Lev 11:45), and can not have sin in his company. So we see the daughter is spiritually dead, or cut off from God, that is life. The only way to unite with her is to give up your spiritual life.

Lucifer probably thought that this was a pretty amusing trick. If God wanted his beloved back he would have to die, and Satan had the power over death Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same; that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil; And deliver them who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage. - (Heb 2:14-15)

Jesus could have the bride, if he paid the bride price, but then he would be dead and thus under Satan's power. This is right where Satan wanted Jesus, it is at the core of why Lucifer tempted Jesus (Matt 4:1-11). In fact that is the reason for Satan’s fall, he desired to become god and try to take over his authority over God (Ezekiel 28:12-17). In Satan’s mind this was “check mate”, He thought that he had God right where he wanted him. God can't overlook our guilt and still be holy, at least as things were in that present time. If God wanted mankind back, with out compromising his holiness he would have to formulate a plan.

.......TO Be Continued

The Wedding Cerimony

We finaly come down to the actual Cerimony. The Katubah is in hand the bridal chamber is finished and the father of the groom as told his son to “Go and receive your bride”. The bride is eagerly anticipating the arival of her groom, and for nights now has been waiting with her friends at the window waiting and watching to see if this night is the night for her love to come, especialy around the end of the first year. It is at this point that we see a few interesting and wonderful things about this Jewish marriage ceremony.

1. The bridegroom would return with a shout, "Behold, the bridegroom comes" and the sound of the ram's horn would be blown.

The time of the return of the bridegroom was usually at midnight. When the bridegroom did come, he came with a shout and with the blowing of a trumpet. The marriage between the bride and the groom would take place under a wedding canopy. The marriage ceremony will have a sacred procession. During this procession, all traffic stopped for the bridal procession except the King. Upon one occasion Agrippa made way for a bride and was commenced by the Rabbis. If the procession happened to be during the day the Rabbis would stop teaching from the Torah and cheer the bride from his window and ecstatically wave myrtle twigs. By far the marriage procession was a big deal and one that utterly stopped traffic. For this reason, the bridegroom will be led to the canopy first.

When the bridegroom approaches the canopy, the cantor chants, :Blessed is he who comes” This expression means “welcome”. The groom is greeted like a king under a canopy

When the night arrived for the wedding festivities to begin, and it was time to go for the bride, the groom was dressed as much like a king as possible. If he were rich enough to afford it, he wore a gold crown. Otherwise it would be a garland of fresh flowers. His garments would be scented with frankincense and myrrh, his girdle would be a silken one brilliantly colored, his sandals would be figured and carefully laced, and all of this would give effect to the "flowing drapery of the loose robes and to the graceful bearing peculiar to the lands of the East. For a time, the peasant seemed as prince among his fellows, and all paid him the deference due to a exalted rank." This preparation of the groom for the wedding has been aptly described in the prophecy of Isaiah, "He hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decketh himself with ornaments" (#Isa 61:10). -Wight Manners and Custums of Bible Lands Chapter 14

2. He would abduct his bride, usually in the middle of the night, to go to the bridal chamber where the marriage would be consummated. This is the full marriage. Finally, there would be a marriage supper for all the guests invited by the father of the bride.

The bride and groom will go to the wedding chamber, where the marriage will be consummated. The couple doesn’t have to consummate the marriage but rather have the opportunity. They will stay in the wedding chamber for seven days.

When the bride and the groom initially went into the wedding chamber, the friend of the bridegroom stood outside the door. At the end of the seven days, the bride and groom will come out from the wedding chamber.

The marriage festivities generally lasted a week, but the bridal days extended over a full month.- Edersheim Sketches : Sketches of Jewish Social Life.-
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The Waiting Period

We have so far discussed the preparation, and then the betrothal process it self. Now we are ready to talk about the time between betrothal and the actual marriage ceremony. The waiting period typically lasted for 1 yr, however it could be more or less, depending on the circumstances. In this time frame a few things happened that we need to understand as well.

Just as a side note as I think about this time of waiting the first thing that comes to mind is boy what a useless time. I mean when we go to a waiting room we might look at books or watch the news that is playing on the hospital tv. In life there are times in which we are made to wait, and many times we have the same idea...what a waist of my time. However I am reminded of Joseph and the length of time he had to wait till he could see his dreams come true. Or how long Moses had to wait in the desert before God was able to use him to deliver his people. I am reminded in my own life where I too am in a waiting period. It is hard sometimes, sometimes we wonder what is the point to it all. However as I am learning, there are good things that come from waiting. I hope that you do not look at this waiting period and wonder what is the point to knowing what they did when the waited. In fact I hope that you see that there are some very interesting and important things that occur when they wait, that I feel we need to be aware of.

1. The Mikvah, and preparation of the bride

The bride had a mikvah (water immersion), which is a ritual of cleansing.
Mikvah is a Hebrew word that means "pool" or "body of water." Mikvah is a ceremonial act of purification by the immersion in water. It indicates a separation from a former way to a new way. In the case of marriage, it indicates leaving an old life for a new life with your spouse.
One of the things that had to transpire is there had to be a washing or a cleansing. This indicated a separation from the former life to the new life with her husband. This idea of separation goes back all the way to Genesis.

(Gen 2:24) Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

The water immersion was a sign for both her and her family that she was now separated and was the wife of another. On top of this water bath or Mikvah, there was also a preparation of the bride that would take place. The bride was bathed with fragrant soap and anointed with aromatic oils. We find in the book of Ruth an example of this ritualistic cleansing. While this passage in Ruth does not describe the exact process, we do see that there was a since of making one smell good for her groom.

(Rth 3:3) Wash thyself therefore, and anoint thee, and put thy raiment upon thee, and get thee down to the floor: but make not thyself known unto the man, until he shall have done eating and drinking.

As I said before this waiting period took as long as a year, sometimes longer sometimes shorter. This being said it was uncertain as to when the bride would be take by her groom (more on this latter). Thus the bride had to maintain this preparedness for her groom. She had to always be on the ready. One of the things she had to make sure is that she would be pleasing for her husband. Thus perfume and oils where put on the bride. This bathing of perfume and oils so saturated the bride that her pours would excrete this smell. That even after the bath was over her body would smell of the sweet and exotic scents that she was bathed in. It was a daily thing, so at any moment she would be ready for her husband.

Along with this preparedness, the bride would make her self ready, not only physically but also materially. Her bags would be packed and ready to do at a moments notice. The idea truly was that she was not going to be living there any more and at any time her husband would come and take her away. Thus she was always prepared to leave her mother and father and meet her husband.

I am reminded of the parable of the virgins and the oil lamps. While it is something we will discuss later...the clear understanding in that parable is that you need to be ready! So it was for the bride she had to always be ready and prepared for her husband to come.

2. The bridegroom departed, going back to his father's house to prepare the bridal chamber.

After the betrothal period, the bridegroom leaves for his fathers house to prepare the bridal chamber for his bride. It was understood to be the man’s duty to go away to be with his father, build a house and prepares for the eventual wedding. Before he goes though he will make a statement to the bride, which is something like this: “I go to prepare a place for you; if I go, I will return again unto you.” This statement gave hope for the bride who was left behind waiting for her husband to come again unto her.

Before the bridegroom could go and get the bride, the groom’s father had to be satisfied that every preparation had been made by the son. Only then could he give permission to the son to go and get the bride. In other words, while the bridegroom was working on the bridal chamber , it was the father of the groom who “okayed” the final bridal chamber. The bridegroom did not know when his father would declare the bridal chamber fit and send his son to go get his bride.

Now during this time of waiting the bride and groom were legally bound together but as we said before were not to have consummated the relationship. There have been some to ask the question, does this contradict (Deu. 20:7)? However I feel that the book "Wight manners and Customs of Bible Lands" sums up the issue.

At least a whole year elapsed between the betrothal and the actual wedding. These two events must not be confused. The Law said, "What man is there that hath betrothed a wife, and hath not taken her?" (#De 20:7). Two events are differentiated here: betrothing a wife, and taking a wife, i.e., in actual marriage. It was during this period of about a year, between the betrothal and the wedding, that Mary was found to be with child of the Holy Spirit (#/Av Mt 7:18). -Wight Manners and Customs of Bible Lands Chapter 15

In closing we see a few things here. 1. there was a waiting period (typically one year) 2. The bride did not know when the husband would return, and thus had to always be prepared. 3. Part of the preparation was that she had to go through a ceremonial washing (Mikvah) as well as be bathed in perfumes daily (if possible) 4. The husband would go and prepare a bridal chamber for his bride. 5. The father of the son was in charge of deciding when the chamber was fit.

Becoming Betrothed

This is the second phase of the ancient Jewish bridal traditions, which I have entitled becoming betrothed. Last blog I wrote I spoke on the preparation, there had to be a bride to seek, and a cost to be considered. Now we are getting down to business and will be looking into how a woman becomes betrothed to a man in the ancient Jewish traditions. This section is broken down in three segments: 1. Ketubah 2. Consent 3. Gifts and the Cup of the Covenant.

1. The Written document: The Ketubah

After the father began to seriously think on what cost he was willing to pay for the bride for his son, there had to be a meeting to set up a written document called the Ketubah. The Ketubah, which literally means written instrument. Which is exactly what it does, it is a written document used for the sole purpose of showing the set price and the promises the groom was making and the right of the bride. . The groom promises to work for her, to honor her, support and maintain her in truth, to provide food clothing and necessities and to live together with her as husband and wife.

This document had to be signed by both parties before the marriage preparations could begin. In fact if the Father for what ever reason did not agree with the arrangement, or agree with the choice, then the Ketubah was not seen as legally binding. However this being said, as we will see in the next section the woman does have a choice. While it was not proper, or seen as a good thing to do the woman could have got married yet the Ketubah (if one was made) would be null and void do to her fathers disapproval.

Num 30:3-5 If a woman also vow a vow unto the LORD, and bind herself by a bond, being in her father's house in her youth; And her father hear her vow, and her bond wherewith she hath bound her soul, and her father shall hold his peace at her: then all her vows shall stand, and every bond wherewith she hath bound her soul shall stand. But if her father disallow her in the day that he heareth; not any of her vows, or of her bonds wherewith she hath bound her soul, shall stand: and the LORD shall forgive her, because her father disallowed her.

It was a document that was the unalienable right of the bride. If for one reason or another the Ketubah was lost, or destroyed there would have to be another one drawn up before the marriage could take place. Even when married the couple must keep the ketubah in there possession and you were not aloud to live together with out one. Sometimes it took weeks even months to write out a Ketubah. After all you are dealing with the fathers daughter and marriage, this is something not to be rushed.

So is there biblical examples of a document in order to arrange a marriage?In fact there is a wonderful example of this agreement. It is found in (Gen_31:43-45), while it is not an agreement before the daughters were aloud to leave the house of there father.

“And Laban answered and said unto Jacob, These daughters are my daughters, and these children are my children, and these cattle are my cattle, and all that thou seest is mine: and what can I do this day unto these my daughters, or unto their children which they have born? Now therefore come thou, let us make a covenant, I and thou; and let it be for a witness between me and thee. And Jacob took a stone, and set it up for a pillar. And Jacob said unto his brethren, Gather stones; and they took stones, and made an heap: and they did eat there upon the heap. And Laban called it Jegar-sahadutha: but Jacob called it Galeed. And Laban said, This heap is a witness between me and thee this day. Therefore was the name of it called Galeed; And Mizpah; for he said, The LORD watch between me and thee, when we are absent one from another. If thou shalt afflict my daughters, or if thou shalt take other wives beside my daughters, no man is with us; see, God is witness between me and thee. And Laban said to Jacob, Behold this heap, and behold this pillar, which I have cast between me and thee; This heap be witness, and this pillar be witness, that I will not pass over this heap to thee, and that thou shalt not pass over this heap and this pillar unto me, for harm. The God of Abraham, and the God of Nahor, the God of their father, judge between us. And Jacob swore by the fear of his father Isaac. Then Jacob offered sacrifice upon the mount, and called his brethren to eat bread: and they did eat bread, and tarried all night in the mount. And early in the morning Laban rose up, and kissed his sons and his daughters, and blessed them: and Laban departed, and returned unto his place.” -(Gen 31:43-55)

“If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.” - (Exo 21:10). Here we have not a written document, but we have Mosaic law concerning the marriage relationship. It states that the husband is to provide her with the food necessary to live, her clothing, and her conjugal rights.

We see that through the Jewish writings that the Law of Moses was to be the guide lines for preparing the marriage agreement. In fact in the second century A.D. Rabbi Meir made the provision of a brit (Ket 5:1) We see in (Ket. 4:11-12) the Jewish husband was responsible for his wife’s medical expenses, for the support of the daughters till the time of there marriages, and for the provisions of an inheritance for her sons as well as for giving her a well thought-of funeral

“Raguel called for his daughter Sarah, took her by the hand and gave her to Tobias with these words, `I entrust her to you; the law and the ruling recorded in the Book of Moses assign her to you as your wife. Take her; take her home to your father's house with a good conscience. The God of heaven grant you a good journey in peace.' Then he turned to her mother and asked her to fetch him writing paper. He drew up the marriage contract, how he gave his daughter as bride to Tobias according to the ordinance in the Law of Moses." - (Tobit 7:12-16)

We can find three full marriage and four incomplete contracts in Aramaic from the fifth century B.C. have been found at the Jewish garrison at Elephantine in Egypt."-Yamauchi, 246

Jewish law, for instance, does not recognize a decree of divorce of any court without the act of divorcing carried out by the husband. It is the husband who divorces, not the court. Equally, it is the husband who marries, not the court. Therefore, for many centuries, Jewish marriages were negotiated by means of marriage deeds. The deed...sets down the terms of the marriage contract. The practice of writing a marriage deed still obtains among Jews today, but its importance in the marriage has been lessened by the influence of the statutory marriage of modern law, that is, the marriage whose foundation is social legislation or statue rather than contract. Still, the Ketubah is with us today as a survival of an ancient institution, and submits itself readily to a historical and analytical examination.- Epstein, 1-2.

2. The Brides Consent

When we think of marriages in the Middle East we often think of the mans choice, and think that there is no choice in the matter of the Bride. In fact much of what we think about marriages is very different then what was actually the case. We tend to think about the Bride being forced to marry a man who she did not want to marry. We think of the father forcing the woman to marry a man, in order for her father to gain some sort of profit. However as we discussed previously, is that there were gifts given to the bride as well as the father and what we will find here is that the Bride had a choice. The Bride had to give her consent to marry, with out her consent, there was going to be no marriage.

The freedom of mate-selection enjoyed by the Jewish young people of the first and second centuries in many respects exceeds that possessed by modern day American youth. Girls were not, as is commonly thought, the property of the fathers to be bought or sold for marriage. Neither were boys compelled to marry the girl of paternal choosing.

The daughters father did posses the power to set the price of the bride and the power to object as we discussed previously. However he was not allowed to negotiate a betrothal of his daughter before she reached the age of twelve plus one day old. For a father to negotiate a betrothal of his daughter before she reached the age of twelve was considered an act of poor judgment, and it was preferred that he wait until she grew up and said “I want so and so as my husband”. The marriage of minors was the exemption and certainly not the norm. If a daughter was betrothed before she reached maturity she could exercise her legal right of refusal. If she refused the young man that her father selected, she might accept another offer by her father, or wait until she became of age and then marry a young man of their own choice.

In the bible we see a very interesting passage in Gen where Abraham has sent his servant to receive a bride for his son. In verses 56-61 of Genesis chapter 24 we find that the consent of Rebekah is needed in order for the marriage to take place. “And he said unto them, Hinder me not, seeing the LORD hath prospered my way; send me away that I may go to my master. And they said, We will call the damsel, and inquire at her mouth. And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go. And they sent away Rebekah their sister, and her nurse, and Abraham's servant, and his men. And they blessed Rebekah, and said unto her, Thou art our sister, be thou the mother of thousands of millions, and let thy seed possess the gate of those which hate them. And Rebekah arose, and her damsels, and they rode upon the camels, and followed the man: and the servant took Rebekah, and went his way. -(Gen 24:56-61)”

3. Gifts were given to the bride and a cup called the cup of the covenant was shared between the bride and the groom.

The rite of the betrothal is completed when the groom provides gifts to the bride and she accepts it and drinks from the cup of the covenant. Today the gift that is given is usually a ring. However Before the gifts and the cup of the covenant are exchanged the bride and all of the family read the Ketubah out loud.

Once the terms of the ketubah had been specified and the father of the bride had agreed to them, the prospective bridegroom would pour a cup of wine for the prospective bride. The wine would be blessed with the ritual prayer: "Blessed art Thou, Eternal our God, Creator of Heaven and Earth, who has given us the fruit of the vine, Amen." (26)-26. Neil and Jamie Lash, Ancient Jewish Wedding Customs, (Ft. Lauderdale, FL: Love Song To The Messiah), Tape T-102.

If there were no objections from the father of the bride, then the ceremony would begin. In which the groom would pour wine into a cup. It is at this time that the groom would take the bride by the hand and repeated “Behold, thou art consecrated unto me, thou art betrothed unto me behold, thou art a wife unto me, this is my blood that I give to you". Then the cup, also called the cup of the covenant, was shared and sealed between the bride and the groom with the drinking of wine. In doing so the couple drinks from the common cup. The cup is first given to the groom to sip, and then given to the bride. The groom would formally accept his bride with another ritual statement, often “Thou art set apart (or consecrated) for me according to the law of Moses and Israel.”

If she agreed to the match, she would drink from the cup, indicating her acceptance. (27) In this manner, the covenant was sealed, and the couple was considered to be betrothed. The betrothal period typically lasted one full year, commencing with the sealing of the covenant and ending with the nuptials themselves Booker, 5.

This completed rite is known in Hebrew as Kiddushin, which means “Sanctification: the gifts to the bride are symbols of love, commitment and loyalty and the drinking of the wine is a sign of the acceptance of all that is contained in the Ketubah

This cup is also called the shared cup of the Brit, i.e. Covenant. The two are now really married. They are betrothed, secured, i.e. sealed. Gifts are now given to the Bride and her family from the Bridegroom or His Servant, as in the case of Abraham sending his servant Eliezer. Eliezer came with 10 camels filled with gifts to secure a Bride for Isaac.

Betrothal (kiddushin, or erusin) was a much more formal concept in Jewish antiquity than our modern state of engagement. A betrothed couple was, for all legal purposes, considered to be married. For example, men who were betrothed, even if not actually married, were subject to the one year exemption from military service (Deut. 21:7). The only respect in which this was not true was sexual---consummation of the marriage before the actual nuptials was forbidden. Thus why it was such a problem for Mary the mother of Jesus to be pregnant when she was betrothed.

Hopefully now you are understanding how complex this process is. It was not something done at a moments whim. It was something everyone took very seriously. We seen how there was a written up document, how the bride had a choice, and that there was a ceremony where the bride would receive gifts, and the cup of the covenant was shared. In the next blog I will be discussing the waiting period. As I showed previously the betrothal period lasted about 1yr. I will be talking about what takes place with in that 1 yr time frame.

The Preparation

As I stated before This blog will be focusing on the historical traditional Jewish wedding. It is important to understand what there traditions were in regards to the wedding ceremony, if we are to understand the scriptures when referring to them. For example, When we read about Mary and Joseph and how they were betrothed, it would do us well in understanding what being betrothed meant. I know that when I grew up I was told that it meant an engagement, and in a way it does, however it is a bit more complicated than that. I had this idea that Joseph went out to the local Kay’s Jeweler and picked out a nice diamond ring and took Mary out to eat, then in the middle of the restaurant he got down on one knee and said those all too familiar words “Will You Marry Me?”. However being betrothed is much more elaborate than that, and a bit more complicated than that as well. In fact the act of being betrothed actually means that Mary was legally attached to Joseph. That is why we find Mary and Joseph having to go to Bethlehem for a census, she had to do that legally, because she was seen as betrothed to Joseph. It was not a simple engagement that could be broke off at a moments whim. As we will discuss it was a contractual agreement

To help us understand this Jewish traditional marriage, I have decided to break it down in parts. Do to the amount of information, I have tried to break it down in four sections. The first section is called the Preparation, which is what we will be discussing in this blog. The second section is called Becoming betrothed, which deals with the betrothal process. The next blog will be called the Waiting Period, it will deal with what the traditions were, between the betrothal period till the actual wedding. The last Blog will be Called The Wedding Ceremony, it will deal with traditions of the Wedding Party and Supper.

Before you would even think about getting married there were a few decisions that needed to be made. As in out time before we think about marriage we tend to think about…am I ready, can I afford to support someone else, do I really love that person…Or at least that is what I hope people are thinking about before they get married. In the Jewish culture there were things that they had to consider as well.

The two things they were thinking about was 1. Who were they going to seek to be there bride. 2. What price were they willing to pay for her. In this blog I am going to be discussing these two concerns and help you in understanding a bit more about the Jewish culture. Because our culture is so different from the ancient Jewish culture when we think about bridal selection, it is far different from there’s. When we think of the price to pay for the bride, we typically have a very primal understanding of it that it really does a great injustice to our understanding of the true Jewish tradition.

1. The selection of the bride.

The first thing we see in the Jewish tradition of marriage is that the Father chooses the bride. Sometimes this is do to the request of the son, other times it is by the request of the Father, and at other times it is simply an arranged marriage that neither the Father nor the Son has seen the bride to be. Regardless of weather or not if the bride has been seen, or if it was do to the request of the son, or of the father, it is almost always arranged by the Father of the Groom. Which in turn comes before the father of the bride to discuss the arrangement. While it is true that the Father was the one responsible, we also see that the mother at times could be involved in the arrangement.

(Gen 21:21)And he (Ishmael) dwelt in the wilderness of Paran: and his mother took him a wife out of the land of Egypt.

However the end decision rested upon the Fathers of the couple.

And Rebekah said to Isaac, I am weary of my life because of the daughters of Heth: if Jacob take a wife of the daughters of Heth, such as these which are of the daughters of the land, what good shall my life do me? And Isaac called Jacob, and blessed him, and charged him, and said unto him, Thou shalt not take a wife of the daughters of Canaan. -(Gen 27:46-28:1)

And Judah took a wife for Er his firstborn, whose name was Tamar. -(Gen 38:6)

In Gen 24 we read were Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for his son Isaac. Many times in history this was done, and the servant was often called the “agent of the father” who’s charge it was to find a wife for his masters son. The charge was not aimless, there were distinct instructions as to what this servant must do and where he must go. Abraham did just that when he sent his servant to find a bride for his son.

"In all periods of Jewish history, almost all marriages were arranged by the young couple's respective fathers, who were obligated to see to it that their children be married. Thus, Jeremiah, for example, charged the exiles in Babylon, `Take wives for your sons and give your daughters to men.' (Jer. 29:6)" - Mendell Lewittes, Jewish Marriage: Rabbinic Tradition, Legend, and Custom (Northvale: Jason Aronson, Inc., 1994), 19.
"During the biblical era, sons and daughters alike were completely under the authority of their parents...The match would be made between the heads of families---the fathers, the father of the son taking the primary initiative." - Galen Peterson, The Everlasting Tradition, (Grand Rapids: Kregel Publishers, 1995), 132.



2. A bride price was established

When the decision was to be made that the Father of the son would seek to find his son a bride there was a cost that the Father, and the son had to take into account. This was done in the form of jewelry, plots of land, animals, money, and even slaves were often given as a dowry. However there were three aspects of this price that was paid. In the Jewish Culture we find that the price was divided into three parts. There was what is called the Mohar, which was the gift given to the brides father by the groom. There was also a Mattan, this was a gift to the bride by the groom. Finally we have the Shiluhim which is the gift given by the father of the groom to the bride. Each one was very distinct and had there own special meaning to the bride.

The mohar is based on ancient eastern principal of reimbursement. This gift was to show prescribed by law and the minimum of 50 shekels was to be expected, but there were exceptions to this where other gifts were given in instead of money. Regardless of weather it was money or some other items, the mohar was a very costly one and rightly so. It was to compensate for the loss of a daughter, and to create a bond between the two family’s. The Father of the Bride was giving a precious gift, his own daughter and the Father of the groom is going to give a very costly gift in return. In fact it was far more than conveying good will, or a since of contractual responsibility. This offering serves to institute a blood covenant between giver and recipient, and this can only be done when the exchange is evenhanded.

"The most satisfactory explanation of the mohar is to be found in the essential purpose and significance of gifts among the ancient Semites. Here the principle of compensation finds its earliest expression...The gift does not necessarily involve the idea of equivalence except in a very general way. It is simply an object of value presented in order to enhance the prestige of the giver, to express and confirm the social bond between him and the recipient, and to put the latter under an obligation to him...." A marriage is not merely an incidental transaction between the two families; it creates and cements a relationship of alliance between them. One family gives a very precious possession, a daughter; the other, `to put things on an equal footing' gives a valuable present. The mohar thus establishes the prestige of the husband and his family, gives him authority over his wife, makes the contract binding on both parties, and creates and alliance between the two families." - Millar Burrows, The Basis of Israelite Marriage, (New Haven, CT: American Oriental Society, 1938), 11,13

In the remote past, there probably was no standard at all, but in Biblical days we already note a minimum mohar. For seduction, the law prescribes a fine equal in sum to the mohar of virgins (Exodus 22:15-16). Now, what was that sum? The rabbis say rape and seduction are equal offenses, and if the Bible prescribes a fine of fifty shekels for rape (Deuteronomy 22:29), then seduction must also be fined the same amount. In other words, the sum equal to the mohar of virgins is fifty shekels. The rabbis' logic is evident as it is compelling. Rape and seduction represent theft of virginity; mohar, the price of virginity. It is by the same logic, probably, that the Bible prescribes a fine of a hundred shekels, double the price of virginity, for the husband who falsely denies his bride's virginity, as double penalty for the thief is not uncommon in the ancient law. Our conclusion is, therefore, that the Bible knew of a minimum mohar of fifty shekels."- Louis M. Epstein, The Jewish Marriage Contract, (New York: Jewish Theological Seminary of America, 1927), 60

In the bible we see several instances where there was a cost given to the father for his daughter hand in marriage. We find in Gen 24:53 that Eleazar presents “precious things” to Laban who was the substitute in the place of Rebekah’s father. We also read where Jacob works seven years of Rachel (Gen 29), and where Shechem will pay anything for Dinah which in turn cost him his very life (Gen 34:12). Othniel captures Kiriath sepher to obtain Achsah, the daughter of Caleb as his wife (Joshua 14:16-17). When David battled Goliath and defeated him, that act was sufficient to win the king’s daughter (I Samuel 17:25). In fact the next chapter we read where Saul requests a hundred foreskins of the Philistines from David for his daughter. There was always a cost in order for the groom to pay for the bride. In fact in the very first marriage we find that Adam had to give a rib for his wife Eve.

While the Mohar was a cost given to the father for the Bride. Mattan is the cost given to the bride by the groom. While the Mohar was legal, the Mattan was completely voluntary. The Mohar was to show his respect to the bride and as well to the father. However the Mattan was a gift to show his undying love, and commitment to the Bride. Mattan was entirely voluntary and thus the cost of the gift would vary greatly.

Social usage in antiquity required the groom to give presents to his bride at betrothal, which were technically termed Mattan, voluntary gifts. No Biblical legislation is connected with this, for it was not considered a legal obligation, though definitely recorded in the Bible."- Louis M. Epstein, The Jewish Marriage Contract, (New York: Jewish Theological Seminary of America, 1927), 78

We can see various passages of scripture which talk about gifts given to the bride by the groom. We can see in Gen 24, Eliezer gives silver and gold and several articles of clothing to Rebekah as a gift. We see in Gen 34 where Shechem offers any cost to be paid for Dinah. We also find an interesting passage in Gen 29 where Jacob’s cry’s upon meeting Rachel. There are some who believe that the tears was do to his inability to provide a mattan to offer her, and while we can not be certain why he wept…it certainly could be a reason for his sorrow (Louis M. Epstein, The Jewish Marriage Contract, (New York: Jewish Theological Seminary of America, 1927), 78)

On top of Mohar, and the Mattan we also have one final aspect of payment for the bride and that is the Shiluhim. While the Mohar was the payment given to the Father of the bride, and the Mattan was the gift given to the bride by the son, there was also a gift given to the Bride by the Father which is called Shiluhim. This was done do to the fact that she would no longer be with the father and her inheritance would stay with the father as she clung to her husband. Like the Mohar and Mattan there was a great deal of differences in the cost of the Shiluhim. Many times plots of land, or slaves were apart of the gift, some times it was very costly items such as gold or silver, or spices or perfumes. Like Mattan Shiluhim was not mandated by Law, like that of the Mohar, but rather a custom that was very common among the ancient peoples.

"Among ancient peoples, dowry is commonly conceived as a daughter's share of inheritance in her father's possession. The sons succeed their father; the daughters leave him. In lieu of succession, therefore, the daughters on leaving receive their share of inheritance. This is probably the conception of Shiluhim, sending the girl away from the parental estate, a settlement on her in lieu of inheritance. "Next to the idea of succession and in the course of time superseding it, is the thought that dowry is a parental obligation in the interest of attracting suitors to the girls… One may seriously doubt, however, whether this particular conception of dowry is not altogether post-Biblical, for in Biblical days the position of the Jewish woman was such that bribes and baits were not offered to suitors but taken from them. The conception of dowry as an inducement to marriage is post-Biblical, and the duty upon the father to give dowry in that interest is one imposed on him by late tannatic legislation."…"Louis M. Epstein, The Jewish Marriage Contract, (New York: Jewish Theological Seminary of America, 1927), 90-91

The records of antiquity often refer to the custom of the bride's father giving dowry to his daughter at her marriage. Early Babylonian records call it Seriqtum; the later Babylonian writers denominate it by the term Nudunu, a term that has gone over into the rabbinnic writings, where it is called Nedunya. Instances of dowry are not uncommon in the Bible. Sarah has a slave, Hagar; Rachel and Leah have Bilha and Zilpa as their slaves, given to them as part of the dowry. Caleb gives his daughter a field and springs of water as Berakah, blessing, that is, a marriage gift with parental blessing, or rather, with parental care for her future comfort. Pharaoh gives his daughter, the wife of Solomon, the city of Gezer as a wedding gift, which he calls Shiluhim, a `send off.' Papyrus G devotes a special clause to the enumeration of the dowry; the Book of Tobit speaks of a very liberal dowry, half of the father-in-laws's possessions; and Sirach denounces men who marry for the lust of a large dowry."- Louis M. Epstein, The Jewish Marriage Contract, (New York: Jewish Theological Seminary of America, 1927), 90-91

To summarize one last time, the Mohar, which was the gift given to the brides father by the groom. The Mattan, was a gift to the bride by the groom. The Shiluhim is the gift given by the father of the groom to the bride.

As I stated before the next blog will deal with the actual betrothal process. We will go back over each section and dive a little bit deeper into each one and study the scriptural, and theological significances of each.