The Waiting Period

We have so far discussed the preparation, and then the betrothal process it self. Now we are ready to talk about the time between betrothal and the actual marriage ceremony. The waiting period typically lasted for 1 yr, however it could be more or less, depending on the circumstances. In this time frame a few things happened that we need to understand as well.

Just as a side note as I think about this time of waiting the first thing that comes to mind is boy what a useless time. I mean when we go to a waiting room we might look at books or watch the news that is playing on the hospital tv. In life there are times in which we are made to wait, and many times we have the same idea...what a waist of my time. However I am reminded of Joseph and the length of time he had to wait till he could see his dreams come true. Or how long Moses had to wait in the desert before God was able to use him to deliver his people. I am reminded in my own life where I too am in a waiting period. It is hard sometimes, sometimes we wonder what is the point to it all. However as I am learning, there are good things that come from waiting. I hope that you do not look at this waiting period and wonder what is the point to knowing what they did when the waited. In fact I hope that you see that there are some very interesting and important things that occur when they wait, that I feel we need to be aware of.

1. The Mikvah, and preparation of the bride

The bride had a mikvah (water immersion), which is a ritual of cleansing.
Mikvah is a Hebrew word that means "pool" or "body of water." Mikvah is a ceremonial act of purification by the immersion in water. It indicates a separation from a former way to a new way. In the case of marriage, it indicates leaving an old life for a new life with your spouse.
One of the things that had to transpire is there had to be a washing or a cleansing. This indicated a separation from the former life to the new life with her husband. This idea of separation goes back all the way to Genesis.

(Gen 2:24) Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

The water immersion was a sign for both her and her family that she was now separated and was the wife of another. On top of this water bath or Mikvah, there was also a preparation of the bride that would take place. The bride was bathed with fragrant soap and anointed with aromatic oils. We find in the book of Ruth an example of this ritualistic cleansing. While this passage in Ruth does not describe the exact process, we do see that there was a since of making one smell good for her groom.

(Rth 3:3) Wash thyself therefore, and anoint thee, and put thy raiment upon thee, and get thee down to the floor: but make not thyself known unto the man, until he shall have done eating and drinking.

As I said before this waiting period took as long as a year, sometimes longer sometimes shorter. This being said it was uncertain as to when the bride would be take by her groom (more on this latter). Thus the bride had to maintain this preparedness for her groom. She had to always be on the ready. One of the things she had to make sure is that she would be pleasing for her husband. Thus perfume and oils where put on the bride. This bathing of perfume and oils so saturated the bride that her pours would excrete this smell. That even after the bath was over her body would smell of the sweet and exotic scents that she was bathed in. It was a daily thing, so at any moment she would be ready for her husband.

Along with this preparedness, the bride would make her self ready, not only physically but also materially. Her bags would be packed and ready to do at a moments notice. The idea truly was that she was not going to be living there any more and at any time her husband would come and take her away. Thus she was always prepared to leave her mother and father and meet her husband.

I am reminded of the parable of the virgins and the oil lamps. While it is something we will discuss later...the clear understanding in that parable is that you need to be ready! So it was for the bride she had to always be ready and prepared for her husband to come.

2. The bridegroom departed, going back to his father's house to prepare the bridal chamber.

After the betrothal period, the bridegroom leaves for his fathers house to prepare the bridal chamber for his bride. It was understood to be the man’s duty to go away to be with his father, build a house and prepares for the eventual wedding. Before he goes though he will make a statement to the bride, which is something like this: “I go to prepare a place for you; if I go, I will return again unto you.” This statement gave hope for the bride who was left behind waiting for her husband to come again unto her.

Before the bridegroom could go and get the bride, the groom’s father had to be satisfied that every preparation had been made by the son. Only then could he give permission to the son to go and get the bride. In other words, while the bridegroom was working on the bridal chamber , it was the father of the groom who “okayed” the final bridal chamber. The bridegroom did not know when his father would declare the bridal chamber fit and send his son to go get his bride.

Now during this time of waiting the bride and groom were legally bound together but as we said before were not to have consummated the relationship. There have been some to ask the question, does this contradict (Deu. 20:7)? However I feel that the book "Wight manners and Customs of Bible Lands" sums up the issue.

At least a whole year elapsed between the betrothal and the actual wedding. These two events must not be confused. The Law said, "What man is there that hath betrothed a wife, and hath not taken her?" (#De 20:7). Two events are differentiated here: betrothing a wife, and taking a wife, i.e., in actual marriage. It was during this period of about a year, between the betrothal and the wedding, that Mary was found to be with child of the Holy Spirit (#/Av Mt 7:18). -Wight Manners and Customs of Bible Lands Chapter 15

In closing we see a few things here. 1. there was a waiting period (typically one year) 2. The bride did not know when the husband would return, and thus had to always be prepared. 3. Part of the preparation was that she had to go through a ceremonial washing (Mikvah) as well as be bathed in perfumes daily (if possible) 4. The husband would go and prepare a bridal chamber for his bride. 5. The father of the son was in charge of deciding when the chamber was fit.